"If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses." - Lenny Bruce

"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" - Douglas Adams

"Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night." - Isaac Asimov

"If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god." - Napoleon Bonaparte

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." - Richard Burton

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?" - Annie Dillard

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Mohandas Gandhi

"Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning." - Bill Gates

"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything it does not understand." - Frederick II

"If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane." - Robert Green Ingersoll

"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear." - Thomas Jefferson

"It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui." - Helen Keller

"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance... logic can be happily tossed out the window." - Stephen King

"There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave." - Louis Kronenberger

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." - Dalai Lama

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." - Anne Lamott

"We must respect the other fellow's religion,but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart." - H. L. Mencken

"It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry." - H. L. Mencken

"Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time." - Dennis Miller

"Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat." - John Morley

"The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"The Bible is literature, not dogma." - George Santayana

"No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means." - George Bernard Shaw

"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!" - George Bernard Shaw

"When lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday, cash me out." - Frank Sinatra

"Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters." - Isaac Bashevis Singer

"If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said "No." - Margaret Smith

"We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another." - Jonathan Swift

"When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land." - Desmond Tutu